Body Shaming While Dating: How I Handle Comments About My Curves

Reading time: 8 minutes

Last week I sat in a café at Bellevue in Zurich, on a first date with a man who had seemed charming and interested online. After 15 minutes of small talk came the line: "You're pretty, but have you ever thought about exercising?" I felt my stomach tighten, but at the same time I knew: that's his problem, not mine. Body shaming while dating is a reality for many curvy women, and I've learned to deal with it.

As a curvy woman in the Swiss dating world, I run into comments like this regularly. Not on every date, but often enough that I've developed strategies. Today I'm sharing how I keep my confidence and which concrete responses help me stay composed.

The most common body shaming comments while dating

Before I talk about solutions, let me be honest: the comments come in different packaging. Some are obviously hurtful, others hide behind feigned concern or compliments with a catch. After about 30 dates over the last two years, I've recognized a pattern.

The "health advisor" supposedly means well: "Aren't you worried about your health?" The "backhanded complimenter" says: "You have such a pretty face, too bad about the rest." The "honest one" with no filter: "I don't usually date women your size." According to a 2023 survey by the dating platform Parship, 42 percent of the plus-size women surveyed in Switzerland said they had already experienced body shaming while online dating.

Why people judge bodies while dating

These comments say more about the person making them than about me. Often there is their own insecurity behind them, socially trained beauty ideals or simply a lack of social skills. Understanding that has helped me not to feel personally attacked.

My immediate strategies for hurtful comments

When I hear a hurtful comment about my body, I activate a kind of inner emergency plan. I developed these strategies over the years, and they work reliably for me.

• I breathe in deliberately through my nose three times, hold for two seconds, breathe out through my mouth – this interrupts the first emotional reaction
• I imagine an invisible glass wall between me and the other person, off which their words bounce
• I ask myself: "Would I want this person as a friend or partner?" – the answer is usually crystal clear
• I remind myself of my last positive dating experience or of someone who values me exactly as I am

These techniques may sound simple, but they give me the 30 seconds I need to avoid reacting impulsively. I now use the breathing technique especially automatically. It keeps me from either bursting into tears or becoming aggressive – both reactions I would have regretted later.

How I respond to body shaming in concrete terms

After the initial shock comes the reaction. I've tried different approaches and learned: there is no one right answer. My reaction depends on how I'm feeling at that moment, how well I know the person and whether I even want to invest energy in a confrontation.

Direct confrontation

Sometimes I choose the direct approach. On the date at Bellevue I said: "I actually work out regularly, but my body isn't your topic of conversation. Let's talk about something that really interests you – or we end the date here." His surprised reaction showed me that he wasn't aware he had crossed a line. We ended the date politely after another 10 minutes, but I left with my head held high.

This method works especially well when I'm emotionally stable and have the energy to set boundaries. As I already described in my article on responding with quick wit to prejudice, the calm but firm statement is often more effective than an emotional defense.

The strategic retreat

On other days I choose to withdraw. Not out of weakness, but out of self-protection. I then say something like: "I can tell we're not a good match. I wish you all the best." Then I pay my share, say goodbye and leave. No explanation, no justification, no discussion.

I use this strategy especially when I've already had an exhausting day or when the person is obviously not open to a real conversation. My mental health matters more than educating someone who doesn't want to learn.

Building confidence for difficult dating situations

The best preparation for body shaming while dating is a stable foundation of self-confidence. That sounds like a platitude, but it's the truth. I actively work on it, and not only before dates, but every day.

Every morning I look in the mirror and name three things I appreciate about my body. Today it was my strong upper arms that carry me through my strength training, my hips, in which I see femininity, and my laugh, which makes my whole face light up. I've firmly anchored this routine in my body positivity morning ritual.

Activating my support system

After a date with a body shaming experience, I text my best friend or my sister. Not to get sympathy, but for perspective. They remind me who I am, and often we can laugh together at the absurdity of some comments. This exchange is worth its weight in gold.

I also have a list on my phone of positive feedback: compliments from friends, successful dating moments, photos in which I feel great. When I get home after a difficult date, I scroll through this list. It works like an emotional lifeline.

Choosing dating platforms deliberately

I've learned that not every dating platform is the same. Some have a more superficial culture, on others I meet people who are genuinely interested in personality. Since I've been choosing more deliberately where I'm active, the quality of my dates has improved significantly.

On the MySugardaddy platform, for example, I've found that many men there value confident women with character and look less for unrealistic body ideals. That doesn't mean there are no critical comments there, but the basic attitude is often more respectful. What matters to me is staying authentic and communicating clearly who I am right in my profile.

Using profiles as a filter

For a year now, my own dating profile has included a full-body photo in an outfit I feel comfortable in. No hidden angles, no filters that conceal my curves. That is my first line of defense against body shaming. Anyone who can't deal with my looks doesn't even match with me. This honesty has reduced the number of my matches, but enormously increased the quality.

My experience with dating in Zurich as a curvy woman has shown me that authenticity is the key. The right people value exactly what others criticize.

What I've learned from body shaming experiences

Even if it sounds paradoxical: some of these unpleasant dating experiences have made me stronger. Not because I deserved the comments or because they were okay, but because I learned to stand up for myself.

I now know that I don't have to be attractive to everyone. I know that a stranger's opinion about my body has no effect on my worth as a person. And I know that there are people out there who find me attractive exactly as I am – with all my curves, my laugh and my way of being.

These realizations didn't come overnight. They are the result of many conversations, of work on my self-confidence and of the conscious decision not to let negative voices define me. The process is similar to what I went through when defeating my inner critic.

Frequently asked questions about body shaming while dating

Should I respond to every body shaming comment?

No, you don't have to respond to every comment. Sometimes a strategic retreat is the healthier option for your mental health. Choose your battles deliberately and invest energy only where it's worth it.

How can I tell early on whether someone is prone to body shaming?

Watch for warning signs in the chat: an excessive number of comments about looks, questions about body measurements, or remarks about other women. People who put others down will likely do it to you too.

What can I do if a comment stays on my mind for days?

Talk to trusted people about it, write down your feelings or seek professional support. Lasting emotional distress from body shaming should be taken seriously and deserves attention.

Are there dating platforms specifically for curvy women?

There are niche platforms, but what matters more is showing up authentically on established platforms. That way you filter out people who don't respect you before investing time in a date.

How do I deal with body shaming from someone I really like?

An open conversation is the first step. Explain how the comment landed with you. If the person isn't willing to learn or apologize, that is important information about their character and whether they're right for you.

My conclusion: body shaming says nothing about your worth

After years of dating in Switzerland, I can say: body shaming while dating is real, painful and unfortunately still widespread. But it doesn't have to define you or wear you down. You have the power to choose how you respond, who you spend your time with and which voices you let into your life.

Every unpleasant date has taught me to communicate more clearly, set boundaries faster and stand up for myself more confidently. The right people won't see your curves as a problem, but as part of what makes you attractive. Until you meet them, stay true to yourself, nurture your confidence and don't let anyone tell you that you have to change to be lovable.

You are enough, exactly as you are. And anyone who doesn't see that doesn't deserve a place by your side – not while dating and not anywhere else in your life.