Love is famously the most wonderful feeling in the world, but that feeling
can quickly turn into one of the most draining: heartbreak, a mix of despair, grief, hopelessness and anger.


A moment ago you were over the moon, head over heels in love, and a single breakup sentence is all it takes to leave you utterly heartbroken.
The bottom drops out and the pain gnaws at your soul.
It's sadly no comfort that pretty much everyone goes through this difficult time at least once in their life.
What exactly heartbreak is about, what opportunities but also risks it holds and what can best be done about it will be the topic now.

Heartbreak

Reasons why heartbreak matters so much

There can be various causes of the pain, be it a breakup, relationship problems or unrequited love. But the intensity of the suffering doesn't necessarily depend on the cause.
What really counts is the complexity of your relationship with the person you're in love with, because it can magnify the pain.

The feeling is strongest in people who have neglected their personal needs for a long time because the relationship with their partner, or their desired partner, was their top priority.
These people also often have the problem of only being able to see a partnership as the sole form of happiness.
In that case it's important to find a way to open more doors to experiences of happiness.

Heartbreak

Individual stories like these show especially clearly how significant breakups are for self-discovery, maturing and new, positive developments in life.
Once heartbreak lasts longer than 2 years, you should see a therapist, since in these cases the problem can't be solved by your own perspective alone.

The 4 stages of heartbreak

This feeling always comes unexpectedly, and accordingly behavior changes very suddenly too.
A feeling of meaninglessness overcomes you.

How long the pain lasts can be very individual, but as a rule it doesn't last longer than a year.

Stage 1 is marked by the person finding it hard to accept the breakup or rejection.

If you see your former partner or crush as ideal and so the need to see them again is great, and grief, aggression and despair spread inside you, you're already in stage 2.

From stage 3, you begin to regain your joy of life and to make more room for other thoughts, and now the relationship can be processed step by step.

If you take enough time to process it, you eventually reach stage 4.
Here, after all the months gone by, you're able to accept the breakup and perhaps even see something good in it.
The breakup is now finally off the table.

The emergency plan for broken hearts: the 13 most effective tips to counteract heartbreak

Tip 1: Give your feelings room
This point lays the foundation for healing the soul, so it's important to live out all your emotions for a certain period of time in order to feel relief

Tip 2: Talk to someone
This step is best suited to people such as friends, for example, whom the person affected trusts especially.
Friends can give you a new perspective on things, lift you up and offer further fitting ideas for how to get through this difficult situation.

Tip 3: Keep a journal
If friends are hard to reach at certain moments, a journal can also help you sort out your thoughts and perhaps even create new ideas on its own.

Tip 4: See the flaws of your ex or crush
At a certain point it becomes necessary to let go of the idealized image of your ex or crush so you can gradually let go more easily.
A list of all the bad qualities of this person and of the relationship can be very useful here.

Tip 5: Distraction
Once you've cried enough, it's time to go out again and do something, whether alone or with friends. It's especially important during this time to do what you enjoy.
Something that helps especially well to get rid of tormenting thoughts and draining feelings such as aggression and disappointment for a while is physical activity (yoga, jogging, lifting weights, kickboxing, swimming etc.).

Tip 6: Declutter
To gain enough distance from the past, it's important to throw away all the mementos of your ex. Extra tidying up can also help you distract yourself and clear your head.

Tip 7: No alcohol
Alcohol should not be involved under any circumstances, because the hangover the next day and the risk of developing addictive behavior are very counterproductive and harmful.

Tip 8: Stop the stalking
Spying on your ex is a tempting offer when the longing is strong, but it does more emotional damage than it helps.
That's why you should cut all connections with your ex on social networks or in real life.
That way the next chapter of your life can begin.

Tip 9: Treat yourself
Whether it's chocolate, cake, a good book, your favorite music, makeup, a new hairstyle or a massage, it's good for your self-confidence to do what makes you happy and feel beautiful.

Tip 10: New activities
It can happen that quite a few things were neglected before the breakup, like friends, shopping, reading, binge-watching series, going out to eat or cooking nights.
But all of this can be made up for quickly.

Tip 11: Don't start a new relationship right away
Whatever you do, don't get involved in the next relationship right away, because all too often the ex is seen as the ideal template here, and that always backfires.

Tip 12: A short trip
Getting out of town for a while and exploring new places is a good distraction from the pain and gives you better insight into what happened.

Tip 13: Get help in an emergency
It can also happen that the pain gets out of hand and the situation seems extremely hopeless. Then you should urgently seek professional help, such as a youth hotline (in Germany, for example, the one run by the Deutscher Kinderschutzbund), a crisis hotline (in Germany, the Telefonseelsorge) or a therapist.